How To Talk To Your Youth Athlete After A Tough Game / Performance

We’ve all been there — your child walks off after a rough game, head down, and you just want to help. But what you say next can make all the difference to how they recover and grow.

First, take a breath and check in with yourself. If you’re feeling frustrated or tense, that’s totally normal — but try to steady it before you talk. Kids absorb our emotions more than our words. When you stay calm, you’re teaching them emotional regulation — one of the strongest predictors of confidence and resilience in sport.

Avoid diving into a game review straight away. They don’t need a coach right now — they need a parent. Start small: “Tough one today, hey?” Then listen. When they’re ready, ask gentle, open questions like, “What felt hardest?” or “What would you like to try next time?” This gives them ownership and supports healthy motivation.

Praise effort, bravery, and teamwork over results. Research shows that focusing on effort builds self-belief and long-term enjoyment — far more than outcome-based praise ever could.

Then, let it go. Share a snack, a laugh, or move on with your day. Keeping post-game moments light helps sport stay fun and sustainable.

The best thing you can say? “I love watching you play.” That’s what sticks — far longer than the scoreline.